I have an client, let’s call her Ann, who came to me saying she just couldn’t find love.
One relationship after another went down the tubes.
What’s worse, she always seemed to pick guys who were narcissistic or who had other emotional issues like depression or anger.
From the outside, you’d think Ann would have have it all together.
She was attractive, intelligent, successful and kind. She had plenty of friends who thought she was fabulous and fun!
With all of this going for her, though, Ann came to me caught up in a relationship with a guy who was being hot and cold.
He only saw her sporadically and after they did see each other, he would pull back and not contact her for days.
Instead of stepping back, Ann spent all her energy worrying about and analyzing every sentence he said and every reaction he had to the things that she did.
She beat herself up for any tiny thing she felt didn’t go well.
Everyone around Ann saw a gorgeous, accomplished, fun, vivacious woman!
What Ann saw was a woman who kept saying and doing the wrong things and who would never find the love she wanted.
I understand because I was like that, too.
I took crumbs from guys who weren’t good for me, beating myself up for saying the “wrong” things, obsessing over every word they said and waiting by the phone to hear from them.
I know how painful it feels.
Is love really so hard?
I want to tell you that you don’t have to go out there and work to make love happen.
Love will come to you.
Your job is to take down the barriers that are keeping it out.
Your greatest barriers to love are the negative beliefs you have about yourself.
The negative beliefs block out love.
I put up walls because I didn’t love many things about myself. I was afraid that men would see who I was and reject me. I was afraid of the emotional pain.
I put the walls up out of fear.
How do you bring the walls down?
Taking down the walls requires facing and loving ALL parts of yourself.- even the parts that think you are stupid or flawed or unattractive. Even the negative thoughts you have.
When you don’t love the parts of yourself that you find unlovable, they take over and control you.
…They cause you to attract men who treat you badly – men who you hire to confirm your belief that you are unlovable. Men who aren’t available for a healthy relationship.
…They make you anxious about why a man didn’t call or why he didn’t put hearts at the end of the message like he always does or why he’s pulling back.
You immediately jump to the conclusion that there’s a problem and the problem is YOU!
Then you demand reassurance. You want men to give you the love you don’t give yourself. And if they don’t respond exactly how you want, you stay anxious and out of control.
They create a vibe of need and desperation in you that pushes men away.
I know it’s hard to love the parts of you that are tearing you down.
I know that your first impulse is to hate those parts of yourself.
I’m here to tell you that those negative thoughts and unloved parts are really just trying to PROTECT and HELP you the only way they know how.
They’re trying to keep you from taking a chance because they don’t want you to be disappointed and hurt.
They really do LOVE you.
If you come to terms with this, then you CAN begin to love them and forgive them and have compassion for yourself.
You can begin to heal by giving YOURSELF the love you crave.
You can take down the walls.
This will shift your vibe from need and desperation to radiant and confident and attract men who are emotionally ready to walk down the path of happily ever after.
So the next time you hear a voice in your head that says you did something stupid or you’ll never find love, acknowledge it’s there. Thank it for trying to protect you. Love it because it IS trying to protect you. And then say to it that YOU are in charge.
The more you can do this, the more you can love all parts of yourself, the more whole, authentic, inviting and attractive you’ll be to everyone around you!
If you want to know more ways to deepen your relationship and bring him closer then contact me by clicking here.